"Get thee behind me satan!"

So...many people may not know this but I born and raised on a pew. I have been attending the the same church since I was four...which in some ways is a blessing and others is a pain in my royal a**. You know people have this feeling that because they have seen you grow up they can pretty much tell you whatever they want to about your life, the decisions you have made, the outfits you choose to wear, down to the choice you made to go to college. I can hear them in my head now, "Does your mother know you're wearing that?" "Well, yes Sister Sharlene I live with HER and she watched me get into HER car as I walked out of HER house this morning." WHAT TYPE OF BULLS*IT?! Does your mother know you're wearing that? Because if she did she may be embarrassed...hmph! "Are you sure you want to go all the way to Howard...it's soOoOo far" "Leslie, aww honey are you losing weight? good job, you were looking a little stuffed."

But my all time favorite is this hostess Miss Kiki, now with her sweet little Haitian self, this woman is the nosiest, most in your business, trynna be a matchmaker I know! So there's this handsome guy at my church who I will call Pretty Face for all for all intents and purposes who my mother and Miss Kiki decided I needed to be with because we make a pretty couple. One day my mother, Miss Kiki, and Pretty Face all go out to lunch and of course my name comes up...what a shocker! As the conversation commences it is found out that Pretty Face is dating someone special and who was upset about it? That's right, Miss Kiki! Miss Kiki proceeds to tell Pretty Face that she is praying against his relationship with this other woman because he needs to be with me!!! Of all the crap...I mean really to tell a man that you are going to take his relationship up with God?! Hell, I'm flattered that you feel so strongly about me and my lovely attributes as a woman, however you have now tainted a possible friendship with Pretty Face because he is going to think that I want him and his dirty drawls. Luckily for me my mother was there to clean up Miss Kiki's mess, but all I could think was WHO ARE YOU KIKI?!?! Modern day Chuck Woolery gone wrong!

I swear while I love and adore all the people Zoe Christian Fellowship of Whittier...BIG UPS to Pastor ED! But I wish they would mind their damn business! Let me tell you all something, the parents God chose to bless us with have done enough damage, please refrain from adding your pile of crap on top of the other things therapy is still trying to clean up. Thanks!